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Horrible Love Sonnet 1

Horrible Love Sonnet I

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee thus, about this much right here.
No, see? Your hands, this far apart, my dear.
Like this. 'Tis it!. Your hands are goodly placed.

I also love thee to the tippy top.
And to the depths plumb'd at the way bottom.
And please include all middle stuff too, um,
That 'bout covers it my lovely dew drop.

No, wait! I love you even more than that!
Like choc'late, flowers, smiles and beer are thee.
I love you with a love as blind as bat
To faults too num'rous list. I kid! You see?

My thoughts of you eternal 'neath my hat.
Together for all time's eternity.