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My Life as an Amateur Layabout

Being an amateur layabout is no picnic, at least if you're doing it right. You can't get up to go to the picnic for one thing.

I've been in training to go pro for three years now but it's hard going what with a wife, kids and a full-time job - those things add all kinds of social pressures that can keep a guy from going pro. The wife wants help at home, the boss wants deadlines met at the office, and it's not like I can tell them I'm in training to be a layabout because layabouts don't make the effort to explain themselves.

A lot of people have the wrong impression of layabouts, they think it's all junk food on the couch and TV. Ha! It's true that I have to eat junk food and watch television per National Layabout League rules, but the NLL allows only so many channel changes and bathroom breaks per day before imposing severe penalties - you try watching an unexpected Matlock marathon with a full bladder.

That's right, being an amateur layabout isn't easy, but with a lot of hard work and dedication I might just go pro one day.