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Petunia

Oh great spirits from beyond the pale, I sit here today with Betsy, Eugenia, and Esther Kowalczyk. We wish to contact their dearly departed sister, Petunia, who was taken from this earthly realm far too soon.

Betsy: Ooo, this is so exciting.

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

I'm getting something. The voices from the great beyond are faint and muddled, but...there...they're coming in a little stronger now...yes...I think-

Betsy: Petunia! Over here, Petunia!

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

Spirits! Please! I beseech you to-

Betsy: Petunia! Over here!

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

Spirits! I command you to...wait...it seems...the spirits...I hear them...they're talking about...gardening tools?

Betsy: Petunia! Petuuuuuuuunia!

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

Dear ladies, I'm sorry. It seems as though the spirits are discussing...gardening? They keep mentioning a hoe?

Betsy: Petunia! It really is you!

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

Great spirits! Please-

Betsy: She always was a little tramp!

Eugenia: That's right, dearie, it would be "ho" you're hearing, not "hoe."

Esther: Jezebel!

Well I...I...uhhh-

Betsy: Don't worry, dear. We all knew it. She died one night after sleeping with all three of our husbands.

Eugenia: That's right. All three.

Esther: At the same time.

The spirits seem to be rather upset wi-...oh my! I've never seen the table shake this hard before...and the pictures on the wall...and the silverware...it seems the spirits...they...wait! I think I hear Petunia! Petunia!

Betsy: He sounds just like my George when he calls out her name like that.

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!

Petunia, if you can hear me, your sisters greatly desire...yes, there it is...something is coming through...it sounds like...giggling? Petunia! I command you to….it's definitely giggling...and...please, Petunia, your sisters wish...is she saying neener neener neener?

Betsy: Oh, Petunia.

Eugenia: Hush, Betsy!

Esther: Shhh!