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The Gospel According To Matthew*: Chapter 2

1Mary and Joseph were making out behind the garden shed when By Golly appeared to them as a Booming Voice and said, 2"Mary, you are with child."

3Mary stopped doing to Joseph what her friend Esther had taught her and asked, "Joseph, did you hear something?"

4"Joseph said, "Nope, now keep doing that thing you were doing, that was nice."

5They began making out again.

6By Golly cleared His throat, "Ahem," yet they continued to make out.

7By Golly said, "Excuse me," yet they continued to make out.

8By Golly yelled, "Hey!" and the two stopped making out and looked around perturbed.

9By Golly said, "Mary, you are with child."

10"What!" yelled Mary.

11"What!" yelled Joseph.

12"I've never been with anyone-"

13"You said you wanted to wait until we were married so it would be special-"

14"Enough!" said By Golly. "I am the Lord Gosh Almighty who has come here as By Golly and will be born unto you as, um, hmmm -"

15"Wait a minute," said Joseph lighting a blunt. "I've got to mellow out for a second." He took a couple hits and continued, "You're three gods in one?"

16"That's right. I'm the Trifecta - the Father, Holy Spirit, and Son."

17"Golly gee," said Mary. "That's neat."

18"Golly Gee?" Asked He. "I like the sound of that."

19"A Trifecta?" asked Joseph.

20"Yes. I am the Trifecta. The Father, Holy Spirit, and Son. The Lord Gosh, By Golly, and born unto you, Golly Gee."

21"So you're your own son?" Asked Mary. "Isn't that a little redneck?"

22"Yeah," said Joseph, "we're not raising a hillbilly baby."

23"No no no," said By Golly, "it's not like that at all. I am the Trifecta, but not in an icky way. It helps if you're like Me - all-knowing - to understand it."

24"Okay," said Mary and Joseph looking at each other, not completely sure, but they figured who were they to go against the Lord Gosh Almighty.

25"Hey," said By Golly staring at Joseph's hand, "can I get a hit?"

*Not that one.