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The Gospel According To Matthew*: Chapter 5

1"Sweetheart," said Mary. 2"I know you're trying your hardest to find us a room for the night and I'm trying to be patient. 3Really, I am. 4But I'm two weeks over due with the Savior of the World, I've just spent the last 77 miles riding through the desert on a camel and I'd really just like to find a place to take a nice bath and kick my feet up, you know?"

5"I even slipped the guy a $20, but he said he was all booked up." said Joseph, slipping off Mary's sandals and rubbing her feet. 6"We'll check one more place, I think I see an orange roof down the street. 7It might be a HoJos."

8And Joseph did run toward the orange roof, 9and lo, it was a Howard Johnson. 10The night manager did take pity on Joseph's tale and set them up in the manger manager's suite attached to the stables, 11for he was away in Capernaum for Caesar's tax/registration/census decree thingy.

12"That's better," said Mary, slipping into a bath. 13And her water did break. 14"Crap," she mumbled under her breath, then shouted, 15"Honey! You better go find that mid-wife Esther told us about!"

*Not that one.