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WHO's on First

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to Portland with you. You know the Oregon Health Authority gave me a job as a health specialist for as long as I want.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're with the Oregon Health Authority you must know about coronavirus.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well, you know I don't know much about COVID-19, so you'll have to give me the latest news.

Abbott: Sure, I'll tell you all about it, but you know, it seems to me they give these viruses now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names, like Swine Flu-

Costello: It's related to Bird Flu.

Abbott: Bird flu.

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Ebola.

Abbott: Yes. Yes. Well, let's see, here's a headline: WHO warns that waiting to achieve herd immunity to the coronavirus will kill a lot of people.

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say, 'WHO warns that waiting to achieve herd immunity to the coronavirus will kill a lot of people.'

Costello: You work for the Oregon Health Authority?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know who warns that waiting to achieve herd immunity to the coronavirus will kill a lot of people?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who warns that waiting to achieve herd immunity to the coronavirus will kill a lot of people?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean, who?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the health authority's name.

Abbott: WHO.

Costello: The authority.

Abbott: WHO.

Costello: Those warning us.

Abbott: WHO warns us.

Costello: I'm asking you who warns us.

Abbott: That's their name.

Costello: That's whose name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's WHO?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Look. You have another health authority?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: A national health authority?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: In DC?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: See DC?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you go to DC to talk to the national health authority, who do you see?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: All I'm trying to do is find out the name of the health authority you see in DC.

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: When the health authority gets money from the federal government every month, what health authority in DC gets the money?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: The group that gets-

Abbott: The health authority does. Every dollar of it.

Costello: The health authority-

Abbott: Yes. What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you go to DC and hop in the Uber to see the health authority, where do you tell the driver to take you?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: Their name.

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: You say to go where?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: See DC?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: All I'm trying to do is find out who's in DC.

Abbott: No, WHO is in Geneva.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's in Geneva.

Abbott: WHO.

Costello: And I don't care who's in DC.

Abbott: WHO's in Geneva.

Costello: One city at a time!

Abbott: Well don't change the health authorities around.

Costello: I'm not changing anybody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking if when you hop in an Uber and tell the driver to take you to a health authority you tell them to take you to 'see DC?'

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: OK

Abbott: All right.

Costello: Who's the health authority in DC?

Abbott: No. WHO's in Geneva.

Costello: I'm not asking about Geneva. What health authority do you see in DC?

Abbott: CDC.

Costello: Oh, ha. Har dee har har.

Abbott: No. they're in Oregon, we're not talking about them.

Costello: Now how'd I get to Oregon?

Abbott: You mentioned their name.

Costello: If I mentioned their name, who did I say is in Oregon?

Abbott: OHA.

Costello: Stop laughing at me!

Abbott: No! OHA!

Costello: Who's in Oregon?

Abbott: No, WHO's in Geneva.

Costello: There I go, back in Geneva again! OK, let's say I get a fever, shortness of breath, and a cough. WHO is telling me I might have coronavirus and should self-quarantine?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right all day.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is self-quarantine?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And who tells me?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Look, if I self-quarantine, somebody had to tell me to do it. Now who told me.

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I self-quarantine and I was told by naturally.

Abbott: No. You were told by WHO.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it-

Costello: I self-quarantine because naturally.

Abbott: Because of WHO.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I self-quarantine because of who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You self-quarantine because of WHO?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! You're working for Oh, ha, who tells me to self-quarantine, and when you go to see DC for the health authorities you hop in the Uber and tell the driver to take you to see DC and all the while I'm self-quarantining. Why? I don't know! Geneva, and I don't give a damn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a damn!

Abbott: Oh, those are the people that don't want to wear masks.